I like it Amy. What about. When I was a small boy my brother stabbed me in the back and I fell face first into a bowl of porridge.

I was cooking some meth and slipped.

I dis’d a Mullah and he threw acid in my face.

The reality is bad enough 🙂

Les – you need to make up some really great explanation of your face… something that will make people gasp in awe when they see you. “I’m sorry my face is broken out, I was exposed to radioactive chemicals when I was rescuing infants from genocide in some 3rd world country”, or “pardon my appearance, I was rude enough to stare at someone that had a less-than-perfect complexion the other day and they threw a biochemical agent on my face that caused this”… I know you can come up with a great shocker to mess with people 😀
Hang in there!!! We’re pulling for ya!

Say something pithy.